Ending a marriage is a complex undertaking, often especially when there are children involved. As such, it can be difficult to learn how to separate the emotions that come with the process while dealing with your ex when it comes to your kids.
In many cases, including many that are free of abusive behaviors, parents who can put their emotions aside can co-parent effectively. This is often a beneficial arrangement for children because they can see their parents as a team even though the parents live in different homes. Making this type of situation work can be a challenge, but these tips can help.
Focus on the children instead of the past
The focus of the relationship should be your children. Both parents should commit to making decisions that are best for the kids. While the past is a big part of your life, keeping it largely compartmentalized may make it easier to work with your ex as you try to figure out how to handle specific situations.
Communicate with respect
Co-parents should ensure they always communicate respectfully and directly. Never try to send messages through the children to the other parent. Instead, speak, text or message directly to each other. Treating this similarly to a business relationship may be beneficial. If tension creeps up, take a step back to recover your composure and think logically about the issue.
Find common ground
You and your ex finding common ground may help the situation. This will vary, depending on your circumstances, but it can include anything from working to establish a single set of rules that will apply at both homes to spending important days together. Finding common ground might not happen all at once. This is often a fluid process that changes as the circumstances and child’s needs change.
It may help the co-parenting situation to get a parenting plan set up as soon as possible. This can give everyone involved a foundation for how the family’s new way of life will unfold. Working with a legal representative who can assist with this may make it easier to determine how best to proceed in this regard.